Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
