you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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