I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
