this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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