And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
