I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
