i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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