I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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