And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
