Where did you get a picture of my penis
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
