Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
