just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
