my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize