I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
