My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
