It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
