Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
