I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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