STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize