if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
