R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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