I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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