Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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