Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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