I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
