11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The Olympian is in my bed
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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