Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize