apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
