My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
