I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
