He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
