what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
