I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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