My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
