Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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