tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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