Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
