Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
