hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
