Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
