Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
