Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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