New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize