I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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