oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
