When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
