Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
This is the high leading the old right now
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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