Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize