So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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