never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
