She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
