he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
