i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
