You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
