I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
