I bet he comes in French.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
