If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
