The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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