Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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