The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Boobs speak an international language.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
