elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
