Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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