im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
