Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
