it's too hot outside to masturbate.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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