I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
