watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
