If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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