Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
