just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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