Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
