you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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