Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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