we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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