I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
