You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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