I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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